Musings

Happy New Year ~ 2019 ~

Happy New Year!

May 2019 bring you pleasant adventures that lead to living a truly good life.  I hope this year is our (yours and mine) best year yet.

Some may think that this post is another set of resolutions for the new year, but truly, it is simply a matter of timing.  2018 was an incredible year for me.  It was incredible in moments of pleasure and pain.  I experienced some of my happiest and darkest moments.  I do not view it as sad, but such a blessing because 2018 has forced me to relook at life and maybe for the first time to engage in an authentic honesty with myself.

I fought the depression battle and while painful, depression also has a beautiful purpose if one allows it.  The pain I held inside was a lifetime pent up.  It held every regret in life, every dissatisfaction, every longing, every lost moment and opportunity.  This is the place where one feels not only worthless, but hopeless.  It is in this place we face the deepest hurts in our lives and make that choice.  You know the one.  It becomes a moment by moment choice.  Life turns basic because even the little things become so hard.

It is in this place that new life has the opportunity to grow through making those moment by moment choices.  Think of it as similar to a place that was burnt to the ground in fire, but yet somehow, a seed germinates and it grows up through the ashes.  Those ashes, while the symbol of devastation also becomes the nutrients for that new life.  This is depression.  Once we have been torn down to what seems like despair and nothingness, there is room for new growth.  I know it sounds silly, but depression, like any emotion or state we feel or endure was never meant to be a final place.  Life is fluid, like water, always moving.

Small choices build upon each other.  The choice to get off of the couch and stand outside for a few minutes each day was actually a launching ground. The sun hitting my skin, the breeze washing over me with a new breath and the sounds of life all around me.  No matter the season, the sensations touch deep inside.  This brought me to question my own reasoning.  I realized in one moment how amazing life is and my choice was made to live it.  I am fortunate.  Call it another opportunity or chance.  Every day brings it, but so does each moment we live.

I wrote down all of my pain – all of the dissatisfaction, regrets, hurts and losses and burnt it away until they were just merely ashes crumbling in my fingers. I tossed them into a garden I ignored during 2018.  The ending of and the beginning of .

I decided instead of riding the day to day cycle of life, I am going to use everything I have and am to bring about change.  Whatever I was dissatisfied with, it is analyzed without emotion so I can learn.  I researched and created my little plan of action.  Funny how it fell in line with a new year.

So for 2019, I am declaring it the beginning of my restoration and rejuvenation.  It is one step at a time, but I have goals to achieve and life now has purpose.  I want to live a good, independent and financially secure life and I want to inspire others to do this as well.  It is not about having the biggest car or best whatnot or the most money.  It is a life of excellence, quality and stability.  It is a life flexible enough to endure the storms, strong enough to keep things stable and allow the pleasures of life in everyday.  It is, honestly, love.

I am starting small.  I am walking to a good, independent and financially secure life.

Financially secure:

  • I started a new job after being unemployed & bouncing like a seed in the wind. (Kids, seriously, go to college. The reason it was hard to find a job was the lack of the college degree, not the lack of skills)
    • I am rebuilding my retirement fund.
    • I am rebuilding my emergency fund.
    • I am paying down the debt that sustained me ( borrowed time – we have to give it back with interest)
    • I am saving for future projects (such as owning an apartment building, rebuilding my deck & home repairs).

Independent:

  • The financially secure work listed above.
  • I still own my home thankfully, but my health has taken a downward spiral
    • Hydrate everyday – aka DRINK WATER
    • Yoga everyday – Appreciate life, thankfulness, strength in the body & mind, flexibility
    • Work out everyday – This is the high impact, things like running, aerobics, strength training work for the body to build it back up
    • Follow a liver friendly meal plan, which is pretty much vegies, fruits, no meats or dairy and limited fats.  Even healthy fats need to be watched (can’t eat avocados 24/7 yanno)
    • Meditation – the inward practice of gratefulness, thankfulness and appreciation, while visualizing my dream life.
    • Reading – Inspirational reading everyday. My goal here is a book or so each month.  It is not just to read but to take from those readings knowledge and apply to create wisdom in my daily life.
    • Cleanliness – reset and follow my house cleaning schedule to keep my home in a spa like homey feel.  I will extend this to the car, deck and lawn.
    • Art – practice and create everyday.  It is time to put my hands back into the clay, paints, photography and words.
      • This time, sharing on this blog my creations and progress as I go.
      • Listing the creations for sale.
      • Purposefully creating items to go into my portfolio that will build my case that I am an artist worthy of following, collecting and licensing.
    • Education – taking time to really analyze and get a plan in place to finish college.  This time using a realistic, practical approach to ensure it is usable for the future.

Good:

  • The financially secure work listed above.
  • The independent work listed above.
  • Rounding out life into community
    • Identify my communities and participate in them gratefully as I am able to do so
      • Family
      • Work
      • Friends
      • My neighborhood
      • My town
      • My state
      • Art
      • Hobbies
      • Charity
  • Give myself encouragement, praise and love.
  • Practice my 12 months of thoughtfulness (I will write more on this later)

Call them resolutions or goals.  I call them direction, purpose, a place to aim for everyday.  Without them, I will just sit on a couch and stare at a wall withering away with depression my companion and foe.  I am walking to these everyday in small actions and choices.  I will live a good, independent and financially secure life.

If you are making a choice to walk on your own adventure and desire to be encouraged while encouraging others, please share below or send me a message.  The biggest thing I have learned this year is that we do need others.

Until the next posting, be well and happy new year.

 

 

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